Childhood, Boyhood, Youth (Penguin ed.) by Leo Tolstoy

Author:Leo Tolstoy [Tolstoy, Leo]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241957066
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2011-09-10T04:00:00+00:00

TWENTY-FOUR

Me

I have only a few months left before my university entrance examinations. I have been studying hard, and not only await the teachers without fear but even take pleasure in my classes.

It’s fun for me to recite the memorized lessons clearly and precisely. I’m preparing for the mathematics department and, to tell the truth, the only reason I chose it is that I have an exceptional liking for the words ‘sine’, ‘tangent’, ‘differential’, ‘integral’, etc.

I’m much shorter than Volodya, but broad-shouldered, muscular and just as ugly as before and just as tormented by it. I try to seem original. One thing comforts me: that Papa once said of me that I have a ‘clever mug’, and my faith in that is complete.

St-Jérôme is satisfied with me and praises me, and not only do I not hate him, but when he sometimes says that ‘with your abilities, with your mind’ it would be a shame not to do this or that, I even think I like him.

My surveillance of the maids’ room is a thing of the past. I’m ashamed to hide behind the door, and the certainty that Masha was in love with Vasily has, I’ll admit, rather cooled my ardour anyway. I was finally cured of that unhappy infatuation by their marriage, for which I myself asked Papa’s permission at Vasily’s request.

When the young people came to Papa with sweets on a tray to express their thanks, and Masha, in a bonnet with blue ribbons, also thanked us all for something, kissing the shoulder of each, I was aware of the smell of rose pomade in her hair but of no feeling at all in myself.

In general, I’m starting to recover little by little from my boyhood defects, except, of course, the main one, which is destined to do a good deal of harm in my life – my penchant for philosophizing.

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